Teaching Strategy: “Acceptance First, Change Second”

Fact: You act differently when you feel differently.

If you’re like most people, you’ll drive a car differently when you’re upset than when you’re happy. You’re tone of voice will sound less friendly when you’re impatient than when you’re grateful. Bottom line, your attitude impacts your behavior. How you feel changes how you act.

So what? Well, if you’re a parent or therapist trying to ‘behave’ or act in certain ways to help facilitate your autistic child’s learning, then it’s critical to pay attention to your attitude (what you are thinking and feeling when you are with the child)…because it will, in part, determine how effective the strategies you use will be.

The most effective special needs educators are the ones who connect with children through a positive and caring attitude. First, start with acceptance. This means, before you try to teach and help a child to change, it is to your advantage and to theirs for you to establish a good foundation of caring, respect, trust, and fun. When you accept a child’s differences and challenges – let go of your judgments, then you are more available to enjoy the teaching process. It will be more enjoyable for both of you.

For example, if you are trying to gain some attention and eye contact from the child, you might “position for eye contact” low down and in front of them. You might hold toys up by your eyes and you likely will ask directly for them to “look” at your eyes.  Each of these strategies are commonly used by many therapists, but some have more success than others. Why?

In many cases the success of a strategy is determined by one simple thing: The most effective therapist are paying attention to how they are FEELING and what they are thinking as they do each strategy.

Imagine that as a therapist holds a pencil up by her eyes she is also thinking that it’s taking the child too long to look up… as a result of this thought, she starts to feel impatient and the knock on effect is her voice tone is slightly more impatient when she says “look a me.” Her eyes are a bit more tense. The child of course notices the less friendly voice tone and the tense expression of her eyes and instead turns away from her. Now imagine a different therapist who uses the exact same technique of holding a pencil up by his eyes to attract an autistic child’s attention but what is different is that he deliberately focuses on thinking only positive thoughts like “I value any little eye contact I get”, and “this child is doing the best he can right now, being patient is the best thing I can do back.” Holding these positive thoughts over and over in his mind, the therapist’s voice is relaxed and inviting when he says “look at me” and his face is caring. When the child does look up, he sees the therapist’s welcoming face and smiling eyes. The child is bound to keep looking and to look again soon.

When I work with educators and therapists, I respectfully suggest that they add “Positive Attitude” to their lesson planning and teaching strategy notes. Practicing and implementing a positive attitude is not just a one-time side discussion, it has to become an integrated piece of program planning – a piece that therapists and teachers are accountable for as much as teaching math or spelling. The more I can think and feel positively as I teach, the more effective my teaching will be. Before I can effectively help a child to change, I must consciously decide to design a positive attitude. One of the first principles of the Intensive Multi-Treatment Program is “Attitude First, Change Second”

Have fun with this idea, experiment, and grow into it. Let me know how it goes.

Tagged as: Loving, Parenting Skills, Showing Affection